


Dealing with Life

by NoMansWindow2846



Series: Trans characters [4]
Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Comfort/Angst, Coming Out, Cunnilingus, Dysphoria, M/M, Trans Arin, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, supportive suzy is the best suzy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 15:31:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11039055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoMansWindow2846/pseuds/NoMansWindow2846
Summary: Arin going about his life





	1. Clothes aren't gendered

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Moobaby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moobaby/gifts).



> this is gonna be multi chaptered because it makes more sense that way

Arin turned in his seat to face Suzy. “Are you sure this is okay?”

“Yes,” she said, leaning forward, “Now close your eyes.” She dragged the pad of the brush across his eyelid, leaving a shimmering pink streak. “And I swear if you start doubting yourself, I will leave you with only half a face done.”

After a quick internal debate, Arin sighed and sat up straighter. It wasn’t that he didn’t think he would look amazing when Suzy finished, he knew he would, but that a quiet nagging voice would ruin the entire charm of the day. Thankfully, nothing came as Suzy continued to place product on his face. When she finally finished and handed Arin a hand mirror, he resisted the urge to wrinkle his nose. He looked stunning, if it didn’t look so weird, and he made his thoughts known.

Suzy sighed and rolled her eyes, “It’s because this is the first time in probably forever that you’ve done this, right?”

“First time ever.”

Suzy paused snapping the containers closed, “You never went digging in your mom’s purse or dresser and slapped a bunch of brightly colored make-up on your face?”

Arin shrugged, placing the mirror face down on Suzy’s dresser. “No, not really. I mean, it looked fun and it was something all girls in my kindergarten whispered about, but I never got the appeal. I mean, I do now, but that was about the time I was realizing everything about me. I dunno.”

Suzy placed a gentle hand on his arm, “It’s okay. I can only assume all of this is pretty complicated.”

Furrowing his brows, Arin stared at Suzy. “Not really? I mean, I’m a guy. I know that. I… Maybe it’s only complicated to an outsider. I dunno.”

“Well, whatever it is, make-up and colors are gender neutral. Nothing except gender and sexuality have anything to do with gender. Not clothes, not colors, not make-up. You’re not a woman, you’re a guy in make-up. And I just realized that I may have used the wrong color to make your eyes pop.”

Arin laughed, letting Suzy wipe away the powder on his eyes. When she finished, he opened his eyes and looked at her. “Can you teach me how to put it on?”

 

Arin looked down at the clothes racks as Suzy dove between some a few feet away from him. He picked up a plain black skirt, feeling the material in his hands. It was very soft, almost silky in that way. He slipped it back on the rack as a group of teenagers passed close by. Suzy saddled up next to him, pulling out the exact same skirt he had just slipped back.

“Arin? Have you felt this?” She asked, holding the fabric out to him. He ran a hand over the skirt once more. “Isn’t it crazy soft? I wanna get it, but I also don’t.”

“Just get it and let’s get out of here.”

Turning on her heels, Suzy gave him a worried glance, “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine. I just don’t like it here. Smells funnny.” Arin huffed, crossing his arms. “And it may also make me dysphoric.”

Without a word, Suzy is dragging Arin back to the mall entrance of the store. It wasn’t until they were almost at the food court did Suzy speak up, “You should have said something early. I wouldn’t have dragged you in there if I knew that I would make you uncomfortable.”

“Dysphoric.”

“Dysphoric. Right. Which is uncomfortable-ness about your body for being trans?” Arin nodded. “Now I need you to promise me something,” Suzy said, stopping so Arin was looking at her. “If anything I do makes you dysphoric or anything like that, you gotta promise me you’ll speak up about it.” The animator nodded once more. “Good. Now is there somewhere you wanted to go since we’re already here?”

Arin chewed his lip for a few quiet moments, the sounds of feet slapping against the tile and other conversations the only noise between the pair. “I think I wanna try that skirt on. The super soft one.”

Suzy nodded, heading back that way. “We don’t have to go there just because I was looking at things.”

“No, I wanna look. I…I just feel weird about being a trans guy trying on a skirt. Like somehow I’m betraying men everywhere and that I’m not actually trans and everything about me has been a lie or something.”

“Clothes aren’t gendered.”

Arin nodded, repeating Suzy, “Clothes aren’t gendered.”


	2. Love all of me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan confesses his feelings and Arin comes out

“Arin, can I talk with you for a second?”

Arin looked up to Dan, who was rubbing his arm, but pulled on a smile when their eyes met. “Of course. What’s up?”

Pointing over his shoulder, Dan said, “Actually, can we talk in the Grump room? It’s kinda private.”

Arin glanced down at the email he had been trying to write for the past half hour. He could always come back to it after he talked with Dan. Nodding, the younger man pushed his chair back and followed Dan into the room. “Okay. So what did you wanna talk about, man?”

Dan pulled at the zipper of his jacket, sliding it up and down, as he tried to calm his racing heart. “I think I’m in love with you.”

“Oh.” That’s all that Arin could muster out. He was stunned to say the least. Everything was suddenly flying past him and nothing was quite right anymore. Staring at his feet, eyebrows furrowed, he simply asked, “Are you serious?”

The words snapped Dan out of his mind and he took a half-step forward, reaching out to Arin. “Yeah, I’m pretty serious, dude.” Slowly lacing their fingers together, Dan remained quiet.

Arin looked at his left hand, his eyes following all the way up the right arm of the man he had swooned over for years. “I… Can I say something?” Dan gave his hand a squeeze, a silent go-ahead. “If you don’t want to date me or talk to me or whatever after I say this, then I wouldn’t blame you.”

“Oh no. You’re actually married to Suzy. And now I’ve come between you two,” Dan laughed, but sobered up when Arin gave his hand a squeeze. “Sorry. I’m sure things will be fine. What is it, big cat?”

“I… I don’t know how to phrase this without sounding weird, besides just saying it. And I don’t know which is worse, because it feels like either way, I’m gonna say the wrong thing and everything will-” Arin froze as a soft kiss was placed on his forehead.

Dan gave him a soft smile. “It’ll be fine. Just say what you need to.”

Arin took a shaky breath, eyes set right on his feet. “Okay. I’m trans. Transgender.”

Dan blinked, processing it. “So you’re a lady now? Or have been for a while? What’s going on?”

Arin balled his free hand, using it to calm the tears that had suddenly threatened to fall. With another deep breath, he was calmed enough to correct Dan, “No. I’m a trans man.”

“So you’re a guy?” Dan cocked his head, “But you’ve always been a guy. I… I’m a little lost about this.”

Removing his hand from Dan’s grasp, the younger man rubbed his face with both hands. He couldn’t really blame Dan for not knowing the ins and outs of being trans. Hell, Arin didn’t know them all himself, so he had to cut the musician some slack. “I am a man.” Dan nodded, understanding and encouraging Arin to expound further. “I was born with a vagina.” The older man nodded again, this time much slower. “I take testosterone to make me look more like a cis man.”

“Cis?”

“Born with a penis and all that jazz.”

A few moments of silence passed between them before Dan attempted to capture Arin’s hand once more. After giving it up willingly, Arin looked over the man who had confessed to him before he came out. “Are you going to say anything?”

“About what?” Dan asked, eyes wide with innocence.

“About me being trans.”

“Oh!” The older man perked up, thinking of something to say. “I don’t know if this is okay to ask, but um… do you have a dick?”

Arin snorted a laugh, “Trying to get into my pant, huh?”

“Yeah, kinda,” Dan smirked.

“Then that is a fair question to ask.” He paused, letting Dan relax. “And I do, kinda.”

“Kinda?”

Arin tugged Dan to the couch, sitting them both down. “There’s a bunch of things I guess I should cover and I wanna reiterate that you can back out of dating me at any point, okay?”

“I mean, I’m already okay with you and all this trans-ness you got going on. So I don’t think anything could scare me away.”

“Not even if I told you I stab myself with a needle every 2 weeks? Or that my dick doesn’t look or work like a normal dick? That I have scars on my chest that are basically pointless at this point? That-” Any more worries Arin had in that moment vanished as a pair of lips found his own. It was a soft kiss, something you would give to a worried spouse.

When Dan pulled away, slightly out of breath, Arin threw his arms around the older man’s neck, pulling him close. Dan laughed softly, returning the hug, “Guess that was the right answer, huh?” Arin gave a hum of agreement. “So, am I topping all the time then?”

Slinking out of the hug, Arin chuckled, “Only if you want to, Mr. No-Homo.”

“How can I be Mr. No-Homo if I am literally in love with a man?”

Arin knew he passed as a cis man. He passed every day with random people on the streets and with the Lovelies. Hell, some even thought he was a trans woman. But this time, hearing it from Dan after coming out, was like the first time he passed all over again. A soft smile found its place on the younger man’s face as he relaxed into the couch. “This will sound really weird, but I just wanted to say thank you.”

“For what, baby girl?” Dan stiffen as his brain caught up with his mouth. “Wait. Should I not say that anymore?”

“Nah, you’re fine. I like the nicknames. I suck at making ones for you, though.” Arin placed his hands in Dan’s slightly larger ones. “I wanted to thank you for calling me a man. I… I know it sounds weird and all, but I reminds me of the first time I passed as a cis guy. Like people used he and him and sir and it was an amazing feeling. I wasn’t Olivia anymore. I was Arin.” He looked up to scan the older man’s face. It was neutral and that sent Arin’s stomach into a twist, like he had crossed the line of oversharing a few miles back. “Sorry. I’ll shut up now.”

Rubbing a thumb over the back of the animator’s hands, Dan gave a soft smile. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. I… I just never knew you were named Olivia. It’s a pretty name. But Arin suits you better. How did you get the weird A-R-I-N spelling, by the way? That’s what I was trying to figure out.”

Arin hummed in acknowledgement before speaking, “Well, I liked Aaron, spelled normally, but then I found that it could be spelled like how I spell it and I thought it was better. For a while, actually, I went by Oliver, since I was still pretty young when I figured this all out.”

Cocking his head, Dan’s hands stopped moving, “How young?”

Arin shrugged, “I dunno. Like kindergarten. And of course my parents were pretty open to the idea, surprisingly. And well, the rest is history.”

Dan laughed, leaning against the back of the couch, “Maybe for you, but I feel like I’m meeting a new person or something.”

Arin wrinkled his nose, almost removing his hands from their place in Dan’s. “I’m still Arin. It’s not like I’ve changed from before I came out to after. I just have a bit more history no one knows. No. I take that back. Suzy knows. You and her are the only ones that know now. So congrats on being part of an elite group.”

Dan stared at the younger man. “What? No one knows you’re trans? Besides me and Suzy and your family, I guess.”

“You are correct.” Arin sighed, “It’s not exactly something you broadcast, especially if you know how often we, trans people, get murdered. It’s like 1 in 12 or something. Yeah, I know LA is pretty open about this stuff, but I still worry and I mean, I pass, so I don’t feel like I should tell people.”

“Pass?”

Arin smiled softly, slightly exasperated. “I forgot you don’t know any of the terms. Suzy doesn’t know all of them, but she’s getting there.” Arin paused for a moment, hoping to ease any worry Dan had about him. “Passing means that I look cis. I said this before, didn’t I?”

The older man shrugged, “You may have, but I’ve forgotten. So passing is good, right?”

“Yes and the opposite, or a close one, might be dysphoria, which is this weirdness that reminds you that your body isn’t cis. Sometimes it’s meh and you can fix it. Like when I was younger, I was meh about my vagina and didn’t do anything about it. But then other times it can be almost unbearable. Like my chest especially.”

“That’s what those scars you were talking about are from? Doing something to your breasts?”

Arin nodded, letting his shoulders fall further, “And now it feels pointless, since I’m fat and got boobs again.”

Place a chaste kiss on the animator’s forehead, Dan gave his hands a squeeze. “I mean, if it helped before, then it wasn’t pointless. Right?” Arin nodded, snuggling closer to the singer. “So… should we tell people we’re dating or whatever this is?”

“We can, if you want. But…” Arin swallowed hard, “But I’m not going to come out, okay?”

Another kiss, on the lips this time, before Dan looked over the younger man, “I mean, that’s your business, so you do you.”

Arin smiled, “Thank you. Love you.”

“Love you too, big cat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr [ sumide1711uu ](http://sumide1711uu.tumblr.com/)


	3. Going Far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Arin bang

“Well, good for you, getting a piece of that hot Avidan ass,” Suzy said, placing her papers she was holding on the coffee table. She glanced over to her roommate, who was picking at the hem of his shirt. “Is everything okay?”

“I came out to him.”

“Oh.” A silence passed for a few moments. “Well, if you guys are dating, then things went well. So there’s nothing to worry about, right?”

“He asked for sex.”

Suzy turned her whole body to face him, pulling his hands into her own. Rubbing circles into the back of his hands, she sighed. “It’s okay to say no. I know you’re pretty… um, dysphoric? Is that the right word?” Arin nodded. “I know you’re dysphoric about your vagina, so you don’t have to do that. You can always just do anal.”

Arin nodded again. “I… It’s weird, though. I feel like I wouldn’t be dysphoric if it was Dan.” Flopping back against their couch, he sighed loudly. “I dunno what to do, Suz! What if I’m wrong and it makes me super ultra-dysphoric and I ruin everything for him?”

“If stopping because you’re uncomfortable ruins it for him, then he isn’t Dan. If you think for a second Dan wouldn’t try to comfort the shit out of you, then you’re wrong. He’s such a sweetheart that-” A loud knock cut off the rest of her thought. She furrowed her brows, “Did you invite someone over?”

Arin shook his head, letting Suzy investigate.

“Hey, Scuz. Is Arin here?”

“Yeah. He’s in the living room.”

Rubbing his hands on his pajama pants, Arin tried to relax as Dan came into view. The animator smiled when their eyes met and let Dan place a kiss on his lips. Even after nearly a month of dating, they were still heavily in the honeymoon phase where everything is magical and intoxicating. Arin wished that the phase wasn’t a phase and would last forever. “Hey, hot stuff.”

Dan laughed, “Hey yourself.” Sliding down the back of the couch to sit next to Arin, he looked at the younger man. “Everything okay, babe?”

Arin’s eyes flicked to where Suzy had been, but she was waving a goodbye as she shut the door, winking at the last moment. Swallowing, he continued to rub the palms of his hands on his thighs. “Yeah. I was just thinking.”

“Thinking about what?” Dan asked, perking up.

Arin watched his hands move, trying to ease the wishy-washy feeling in his stomach. “About you talking about sex.”

Wrapping his hands around Arin’s, ceasing their movement, Dan nodded. “You know we don’t have to do that, right? Just because I asked doesn’t mean you owe me it. And if there’s something you don’t want me to do, I won’t do it. You just need to tell me.”

Glancing up through some hair that had fallen, Arin said, “I want you to fuck me.”

“Oh, whoa. That was sudden.”

Arin tugged his hands back into his lap, pulling Dan’s with him and dropping his head. “We don’t have to. Sorry. Forget it.”

Slinking his hands out, Dan cupped the animator’s face. “If you want me to, I can. I mean, we should probably establish some rules before we dive head first. Stoplight rules work for you?” Arin nodded. “Okay, condoms?”

Arin squeezed his hands, speaking slowly, “I… I don’t know.” With a sigh, he continued, “I mean, most of the stuff I do is anal, so yes if we do that, but…”

“But you want to do vaginal?”

“Maybe. I dunno. I mean, I don’t regularly stick things up there. Last time I did I was a teen and it wasn’t fun.”

Pulling Arin’s face close, Dan gave a light kiss. “Again, we don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with. If you just want to do anal, I can work with that. I… Did you want to fuck now?”

“If you’re okay with that.”

Dan grinned, “I’m always down to fuck.”

Arin smiled, tugging himself and Dan to their feet. Without a word, Arin was guiding his boyfriend up to his bedroom. When the door clicked shut, Dan pulled Arin close, attacking his mouth. It felt like it had been too long and Arin moaned, letting his hands map the musician’s body. Losing himself in moment, he hadn’t noticed at Dan tugging his shirt off until his hands were removed from the lean body. With his shirt off, the animator watched Dan remove his own, eyes wondering the paler flesh.

They had been shirtless together before. Hell, they had even swapped shirts and removed their pants at Game Grumps live before. But this was suddenly just for them, a private show. Arin reached out a slow hand, letting the wisps of body hair tickle his hand. Opening his mouth to say something, he snapped it shut, in case sound would break the illusion.

Dan, being hyperaware of everything Arin was doing, furrowed his brows, “Red?” Retracting his hand immediately, Arin apologized. “I was asking if it was red for you. I’m green.”

“I… I’m green.”

With those words, Dan went back to searching the younger man with his hands and mouth, grinding lazily against his leg. Fusing with his belt, Dan paused for a moment, taking in the animator who was dealing with his own pants. “Fuck, you’re hot.”

Arin snorted, leaving his boxers on, “Say Mr. Sexbang himself.”

Stepping out of his jeans, Dan cupped his boyfriend’s face, “That means you’re mega hot.” He pressed his body against the younger man and part of him thought just how perfect it felt, like two pieces of a puzzle coming together. That part was quickly silenced as Arin began rubbing the musician’s growing erection. “Fuck, Ar. Don’t stop,” Dan breathed out, pressing further into the younger man.

Leaving the older man slightly out of breath with a sloppy kiss, Arin tugged him to the bed. He fell back, letting Dan hover over him.

Dan hooked his thumbs in his waistband before tugging his boxers off. Arin’s hand didn’t stop exploring every part of the older man and Dan bucked his hips at the sensation. “Arin… Arin, yellow.”

Arin paused, looking at the older man, who was catching his breath. Without another word, he released the dick, letting his hand rest on his knee. “Is everything okay?”

Dan laughed, shifting his position, “Yeah. I said yellow, not red. I just… It’s unfair for me to come if you don’t get something out of it too, baby girl. Now,” he dropped his voice, “What can I do for you?”

Arin shuddered at the voice, ignoring all the anxiety bubbling in his stomach. “I want you to fuck me.”

Dan smirked, hooking his fingers in the younger’s man waistband, “Anything for you, babe.”

“Wait!”

Dan left his fingers hooked, but peered up at the man. “What is it?”

“I... I think I wanna try vaginal. If that’s okay.”

Leaning forward, Dan captured Arin’s lips, moaning at the feeling. He was only partially aware that Arin’s hands had moved, cupping his face, as he fumbled to remove the last piece of cloth separating their bodies. Breaking a moment for air, Dan smiled, “As you wish.”

Arin laughed, carefully tapping their foreheads together, “You did not just quote  _ Princess Bride _ at me.”

“I did and I’ll make you my princess, baby girl,” Dan muttered against Arin’s neck, leaving a trail of soft kisses. Arin reacted positively to Dan tracing his hands over every curve, moaning and withering at the sensation. “Are we green?” Dan whispered. Arin gave a shaky nod, eyes shut, and the older man flicked his tongue over a hard nipple. Arin yelped, moving his chest away, and Dan reeled back as well, falling back on his feet. “Shit. Sorry. Red?”

Arin caught his breath before answering, “Red. Yellow. I dunno. Just stay away from my nipples, dude. You know they’re sensitive.”

“I thought it was sensitive in a good way. Like I should pay attention to them.”

Arin propped himself on his elbows, eyes wandering Dan’s concerned expression. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m fine. I… It’s one of the weird side effects of top surgery. Sometimes you don’t get any sensation after it, but I got overly sensitive nips. It’s… It’s kinda painful and not the good kinky kind.”

Dan slowly placed his hands back on the younger man, a smirk dancing on his face, “No pain kink then?”

“I didn’t say that. I just said that my nipples are a no-go.”

Dan went back to his trail, following the line of hair running from his navel to the top of his crotch. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he mumbled into the coarse hair, breathing Arin in. “Are we okay? You green?”

Arin peeked up, eyes connecting with Dan’s, and he could feel heat pooling in him. “Only if you’re gonna suck me off,” he joked, but Dan stuck his face in between his legs, licking lightly at his dick. “God, Dan… I-I was joking, but don’t stop.”

Dan laughed lowly, swinging one of Arin’s legs over his shoulder and, on instinct, sticking a finger into Arin. The high hiss followed by a deep moan was all Dan needed to keep at it, starting to suck on the trembling dick that reminded him of a large clit. Offhandedly he thought to ask, but ignored it when a hand pushed him closer.

For the first time ever, something was in his vagina and he didn’t want it gone. Arin tried to stifle a moan as Dan pulled him closer and closer to the edge of coming. At this rate, he would cum in about three seconds as his back spasmed, forcing Dan further into him. Arin didn’t care that he was off as he fell of the edge, jerking slightly as relief washed over him.

Dan sat up, licking Arin off his fingers. He watched intently as Arin came back to reality, his breathing evening out. Dan smiled, leaning back down to kiss the flushed skin of his boyfriend’s stomach. “Was that okay?”

Arin laughed, because how could he not? After so many years of dysphoria that had compounded, he finally found something he wouldn’t mind in his vagina regularly. If you had told that sentiment 5 years ago, he would have laughed in your face and told you were being ridiculous. After catching his breath, Arin propped himself on his elbows to get a clear view of Dan, who was resting his head on Arin’s stomach. “That was way better than okay. You should do that more often,” Arin smiled.

“Green?”

“If you’re gonna go down on me again, I’m gonna say no. But if you wanna fuck me with that big hard ween of yours, I’ll say yes.”

Dan busted out laughing, “You did not just say ‘ween’!”

Arin laughed, “You quoted  _ Princess Bride _ at me. I get to say ridiculous shit, too!”

Dan moved away from Arin, wiping tears from his face, “Whoa. Can’t believe you just called my dick a ‘ween’.” Reaching across the bed, he fumbled through a side table before turning back to Arin. Dan snapped the drawer closed, “Where do you keep the condoms?”

“Other side.” Arin snorted, “How unprepared.”

Dan smiled, fingers wrapping around a silver square. “Sorry I didn’t know I would be eating out my boyfriend and then fucking him into the mattress today. Would have worn me lucky plaid boxers.”

Arin covered his face with his hands, laughing and snorting. “Didn’t know you had getting-laid boxers.” Arin sat back up at the familiar crinkle of a condom wrapper. “Um, Dan?”

Dan paused, looking up where his hand had half rolled the condom on. “Red?”

“No. I… Sorry, this is stupid.”

Dan gave a small peck to Arin’s thigh, finishing rolling the condom. “Nothing is too stupid for me. Especially now that I’m your boyfriend.” Kissing the other thigh, Dan frowned slightly, “What’s wrong, baby girl?”

“It’s just…” Arin trailed off before trying again, “You said… You said that you’d fuck me into the mattress, right?”

“Why?” Dan wiggled his eyebrows, “You wanna ride me instead?” When Arin’s face didn’t change, Dan muttered out an apology. He didn’t know what put Arin into the funk that was spreading through them, but he would give Arin all the time and space he could ever need. “Do we need to take a break?”

“Sorry. I’m just being indecisive as fuck.”

“What’s the issue?”

“Part of me wants you to ravish me, split me right in half, and the other half-”

“Wants it slow,” Dan finished his thought. He settled back between Arin’s legs. “I got a bit of an idea and like we don’t have to do it if you’re not comfortable at all.” Arin nodded, squirming as the sweaty sheets started cooling against skin. “So I like edging,” Arin nodded again as Dan continued, “So I thought maybe I get you off nice and slow like and  _ then _ I fuck you into the mattress. I’ll get right to the edge the first time and then we come the next time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr [ sumide1711uu ](http://sumide1711uu.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr [ sumide1711uu ](http://sumide1711uu.tumblr.com/)


End file.
